Finding Balance: Managing Stress During the Holiday Season
The end of December is coming up quickly, and seems to come quicker every year. Many of us are either in the midst of purchasing presents or are frantically trying to finish up their holiday shopping. There are meals to plan, gifts to wrap, cultural traditions to observe, religious services to research and make accommodations to attend, and family members - oh heavens, all the family members! - to visit, make plans with, and set up the guest room for.
Tubs of Christmas decor and lights come down from the attic, and how many hours get sacrificed to untangling those lights? (I swear they move in the box). Wrapping paper, ribbons, and bows are strewn all over the closet and floor. Presents are stuffed into nooks and crannies, hidden away from loved ones. Presents must be wrapped and boxed up to ship to far away family and friends, and we must rush to the post office before it’s too late to guarantee they’ll get them by Christmas.
Then there are the Christmas cards and family letters to write. Addressing each and every one by hand, making sure they’re all stamped, and sent out, even to people you only speak to once a year (usually around this time of year).
When the big day finally comes, it’s a wonder we feel so burnt out rather than present (pun intended) in the moment.
Why is such a magical time of year so stressful?
If I may be perfectly candid, and I invite you to sit down with a nice hot peppermint tea while I say this, most of the time it’s because we make it stressful. It’s not our fault all of the time, of course – I mean, we all have friends and family who drive us crazy, but hear me out! We’re also incredibly good at setting impossible standards for ourselves. The holidays, in particular, have become a time when we’re expected to juggle a million things at once and somehow make it look easy, all while trying to maintain a sense of magic and cheer.
Where does most of this stress come from? If we’re honest with ourselves, a lot of it comes from these expectations and plans that we have in our heads, the ones we set for ourselves and others, to try and do everything ‘right.’ We want the perfect gifts, the flawless decorations, the perfectly cooked holiday meals, and a picture-perfect family gathering. The trouble is, we rarely stop to ask: What does ‘right’ really mean? Who set those standards, anyway? And more importantly, why do we insist on making the holidays into some grand performance rather than simply enjoying the moments as they come?
In order to achieve this perfect holiday we’ve built in our heads, we spend the entire Christmas season – sometimes starting even earlier! – stressing ourselves out over plans, schedules, presents, dinner preparations, whether or not we should invite so-and-so even though they stress us out, why we’re traveling to your mother’s house this year when it’s my turn to host, and how to juggle the kids’ Christmas pageant with the office party… I could go on, but I’m getting stressed just writing this!
And let’s not forget the pressure of trying to be ‘everything to everyone’—whether that means being the perfect host, the super-organized shopper, or the life of every party. The more we add to our plate, the more it starts to feel like we’re just running a never-ending race instead of actually enjoying the season. This constant drive to live up to our own version of perfection keeps us from the real heart of the holidays: connecting with the people we love and taking time to appreciate the small, quiet moments.
Again, some of this isn’t exactly our fault. We all have family, friends, and external schedules like school or work that we have to worry about in the midst of the shopping, the creation of menus, and picking out a tree. The demands of others can be hard to navigate, especially when they don’t align with our own visions of what the holiday should look like. But what we can do is to let go of what we can’t control and stop letting it take over our lives. We have the power to decide how we spend our time and how we respond to all of these outside pressures. And sometimes, the best way to embrace the season is by simply releasing our expectations and allowing ourselves to be present, imperfectly, in the moment.
I asked my assistant if she was planning to take her three girls to see Santa this year, and I was surprised when she answered, “NO!” It caught me off guard because, to me, taking the kids to see Santa feels like a Christmas tradition—a sort of unspoken rule, like a Christmas commandment.
When I asked her why, she explained that while Santa is an important part of her family’s celebrations, she simply doesn’t see the point in dragging her young children (two of whom are under 3) to stand in line for hours. Not only would they be stuck in one spot, unable to run around and burn off their energy or explore, but there’s also a good chance that the littlest ones might end up terrified of Santa. Instead, she’s chosen to prioritize peace and simplicity over an arbitrary “must-do.”
Instead of the traditional Santa visit, they enjoy simple, meaningful experiences. They take walks to see the Christmas lights, where the little ones can run freely, pointing out their favorite decorations and marveling at the colorful displays. They make hot chocolate together while Daddy builds a fire in the backyard, giving the kids the freedom to play outside while their parents relax and watch by the warmth of the firelight. And they enjoy trips to various craft stores, strolling through the aisles to admire the holiday decorations and picking out their favorites.
And you know the best part? She says her stress levels have been SO much lessened since she decided to start doing this.
Not that there aren’t ever any stresses, she tells me. She and her husband have to work extra shifts to afford the presents. But she buys them at secondhand stores or in clearance bins instead of brand new. His parents live across the country, which makes it hard when it’s their turn to host. But the grandparents take the kids for a night so they can go get coffee and take a few deep breaths together. Sometimes even their Christmas light walk can be stressful when someone gets a little too excited and runs away or another one is too tired and needs to be carried. But the snuggles just before bedtime melts away that stress of chasing after them and dragging them home.
This holiday season, I’m inviting you to take a step back and really assess what brings you—and those closest to you—genuine joy. Take stock of the traditions, activities, and plans that truly matter, and be honest about what you have the mental capacity for. If something is only going to add stress and take away from the holiday spirit, then ask yourself: Why do it? The holidays are about connection, joy, and peace, not perfection. So let go of the pressure, embrace what works for you, and make space for the simple, meaningful moments that will fill your heart with happiness.
